I speak Life! But we all will die!

My thoughts consume the very essence of my being….I fall prisoner to my inner thoughts that want to lock me up and consume my mental from functioning in this thing called life… I continue to move forward but sometimes I feel like what is the point…The ones that said “I will always be there” Are no where to be found, often wonder what this life would be if I were to come back as a tree, but I would just be used all over again the same way a tree is used for Shade and Oxygen… But unlike the tree I have the choice to be set free…so I release my thoughts into the sea because I am waiting on the better days that GOD has for me….

For some you all know my journey for others they are just starting to see, and if I could list everything I have been through I would need more than just this tumblr diary.

But let me just tell you 39 months ago I was 490  I lost the first bit of weight alone, then September 3rd 2009 in honor of the 1 year of my Mama’s passing I took charge of my life and had Gastric Bypass surgery weighing in at 362 the day of surgery.. I stand today total weight lost of 312lbs TELL ME GOD isn’t an on time and great GOD!

They said I wouldn’t live to be 5 years old because of health issues due to my mother being a drug user when she was pregnant with me but guess what GOD WILLING I WILL BE 28 in July and I LIVE TO TELL THE STORY!

Mama use to tell me all the time GOD has a purpose for you baby and you are going to be just fine….

I have almost died several time since the surgery, I have videos on youtube RobinsonL716 I am going to have a major documentary coming out. I have the first part of my story in IKONS 3rd issue, the full story up the point it was written will be out.. but you can never sum up someones life in the pages of words.. I say you have to LIVE TO TELL IT! I plan on living to share more and to help more

April 29th 2011 I had a Major skin removal surgery, a hernia repair and my pubic region lifted, as I type this I have Jackson Pratt Drain tubes in and a binder wrapped around me to continue the healing process. They removed 17lbs of skin from my stomach area repaired an umbilical hernia and too 5 more pounds from my lower region and upper thigh. 

 prior to that I had my gall bladder removed February 24th 2011 along with Cancerous tissue.. before that I had fibroids and Kidney stones removed and the fibroids had cancerous cells too but I stand NO CANCER nothing can stop me! Know that! I have had blood transfusions you name it but this Journey is one I would do all over again because it has made me strong it has humbled me and it has made me realize that I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST! breathing issues, asthma attacks, pneumonia, low blood, low everything.. but It didn’t take me out of here because I am MY MOTHER’S CHILD I keep going!!!!

A Conversation I was having with My friend Data (Founder of IKONS Magazine)

Data: How do you feel right now about the overall process:

Me: I am grateful to God for strength and the courage to continue on this Journey of a healthier happy life. It isn’t easy but nothing in life is but I’m continuing to fight remaining humble and taking nothing for granted helping others along the way! Living my dream.

I want to Thank All of my friends and Family No names necessary but you know who you are!!!! Without the love and prayers I probably would go crazy!

LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING LETS GO!

I am proud to say today is the first day I haven’t had to be medicated  on pain meds and can actually enjoy this moment. But I probaby will need to take one before bed. HOWEVER  My depression medication is now down to once a week and I pray this time next year that I no longer need medication to control it!

GOD IS ABLE!!!!!

Until next time just a little update…

Stay tune more to come it only gets better from here!

I pray that a life is changed by my testimony and story! IT DOES GET BETTER!

The best thing you can do is LET GO and LET GOD!!!!

MAKE EVERY DAY GREAT WHILE WE ARE ALL STILL HERE!!!!!!!

prettifemme: hahaha i am even following you on here too.....aww snap im not that slow lol

Just seeing this lol..

It is 5am and I sit here and write this, I am thinking Really? Did I really fall in love with a human being that was so stuck on herself her wants her needs, that at any chance just traveled on a plane in the arms of another? the same one that was responsible for the reason she and I could never be. The argument that started over this same Journey.. I wish her the best but Really I just want out of this mess. I feel like this 3 way love affair went on for far too long, I went in knowing that chick was there before me but when they say “My friend” trust me it is more you see.. Hey I can’t blame her she was honest with me.. But I still fell for that smile, those eyes, those lips the way she smelled, the way she made me feel, hell really even today I would make her mines if things were different. but as I type she is in anothers arms and hey Oh well I just really wish I could get her out my head… wish her all the best I really do…but really why did I let her get me like this? She told me she wasn’t capable of being just with me or with anyone for that matter however I don’t believe her… I hope she finds what she is looking for.. I love her I can’t lie but truth is I am cool if we never speak again, I will just hold on to the memories of the love we made… the bath we took the convos we had hey whatever I am really over this last mention of this! Yep Really…

I really don’t understand what I did to deserve this pain, I really wish she would forget my name forget I exist I really wish I never met her on a social network like this. We haven’t been together in over 5 years why the hell is she still bothering me! SHOO FLY keep it moving..It is crazy with each passing year I think Oh this year she won’t come around, then next time I look she is right back around. Isn’t sad that I still have nightmares about what she did to me? The bruises the words the empty promises. The broken heart, my shattered dreams, why the fuck is this woman still harrassing me.

Lord I pray you give me strength because everything in me wants to end this.

She is determined to see me to my grave, I am certain she wants it that way. That if I can’t have you nobody else will type shit.

The fucked up thing is she is a Mental Health professional WTF she is helping others stay sane but this bitch is loose in her brain. I can’t deal with it. The tears fall..

I just want to be like fuck it all. I promise you this, if she comes at me again I might say fuck it and end it for her right then and there.. but what would that solve nothing at all. cuz I would be in jail being Bertha’s bitch and she would be dead and yet I would have to live with it.

I pray she gets help and help soon cuz I can’t deal with this.. I am so tired of the bullshit. The option to move is always there but why should I leave out of fear? This is my house and I refuse to be scared.

I just want this bitch out of my head.

I feel inspired to write, I am sick of ppl saying they care but honestly they really don’t most just want to make sure you will be around the next day for them to ask you for something or so they can not feel guilty for not saying what they should have when you were alive and well.. Thanks to all that are truly concerned and care I appreciate you! but for those who have the nerve to pretend to have feelings or any kind of emotions for me, I pray that God have mercy on your soul. I don’t need your sympathy! I have survived and will continue too.. so take your pity and the bullshit and save it for the next chick! I don’t need it..